


Parasite

by astering



Category: Avatar: Legend of Korra
Genre: Gen, Introspection, some sort of character study
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-05-02
Updated: 2012-05-02
Packaged: 2017-11-04 18:01:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 945
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/396656
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/astering/pseuds/astering
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Korra doesn't want to admit it, but she's aware of her flaws. Every single one. She really is just a child, and her age is starting to show.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Parasite

When she gets back to her room, she slumps down on her bed. For the first time, she feels something akin to regret. 

Her usual anger and fire weren't the main factors here. They did play a part, as always. But no, she feels like it's something else. Like it was always something else. Her jumbled thoughts knit together.

She does regret her anger, though. Who did she blow up at today? 

Why couldn't she remember who? 

What was wrong with her?

She thinks for a quick second that they might have deserved it but buries that thought, hates that thought like she would a parasite living in her own body.

Like that parasite, it takes what she needs from her. It's only an excuse to say they provoked her. She could get angry at anything, really.

But above all, she regrets more than just silly anger.

She regrets the constant feeling in her mind that she is nowhere near the level she needs to be. She knows it's pointless to think of things you cannot change, but really, what other exercises does she have? It's not like she could be a normal teenager and...she doesn't know what normal teenagers do. Get drunk? Enjoy each other's company? Steal cars for joyrides?

All she has is her idiotic, rampant thoughts and her fighting.

But her anger and temper are just reactionary. Hardly the real problem. She doesn't want to admit that to herself, but she knows it.

Is it...a form of defense? Is she lonely? Is that it? Does she just not want to try letting anyone in anymore, so she curses at them until they get tired of her? Is it really that simple? The mental image seemed a bit accurate at least.

She doesn't know anyone, really. Her whole life has been isolated, with no companions her own age. They tried to force her to interact with some kids her own age when they first brought her there, but children are jealous and cruel. And jaded. They stopped forcing her to mingle when she was ten.

What started off as a journey from the home where she was born to another home where she would hone her power turned into a journey from one home to a sort of cell.

No, that isn't to say she didn't like it there. With no one her own age. And that isn't to say that she doesn't like who she is now. She loves who she is, from the way her heart races when she's in battle to the feeling of the soft fur of her only companion on her skin as the animal senses her anguish.

Of course she was isolated and protected. She repeats that to herself. After all, if she died, the world was fucked. Who would protect everyone?

She wouldn't admit it, but sometimes, she didn't care if the world ended or not. 

Was that the ultimate treason, for someone like her to think of themselves that way? Probably. Yes, definitely.

She swallowed guilt, heavy guilt. It danced at the pit of her stomach.

She knows that what was once the gentle loneliness of a child with no friends had slowly burned into a bitter sort of caustic anger. Not a why me sort of deal, she would never think that, and she loved the special perks that came with her status of being the "Savior of the World" but sometimes she just felt so small and really, she felt the weight of her years.

So, eventually, she stopped caring.

She did have genuine connections to people, but those connections were stilted. There was something holding her back from putting her all into it. People were just beings that met her and left her, so it was only fitting that she tamed an untameable beast and made it her friend.

Yes, made. 

But now that she's here, in a new place, with people that despise her for just being "that" all around, she's frightened. She's never been this close to people that wish her ill will. The sanctity of her second home and its guards and what felt like needless security somewhat felt necessary in hindsight. A bit. More guilt, more constant guilt.

Fear is constant, too. The one who can take her power away haunts her dreams.

For once, she's scared. Being distant from others is lonely, but somehow she likes it. She loves the excuse of knowing she doesn't have to interact. She loves having that fallback for not putting herself out there.

And really, without that title, without that branding of special, who is she?

Weak, pathetic. Either. Or both.

Loneliness ties those two selves together.

She doesn't remember who she yelled at earlier. The faces bleed together after a while. 

Is she angry, deep down? She doesn't think so, and she's right. It's a sort of tiredness that engulfs her, really. Everyone needs her for something. Her teammates, her sifu, the world. None of them would have looked her way if she wasn't that damn title. 

Her teammates. It was some sort of cruelty that she finally met people her own age, but they weren't even friends. She was just a burden. And that girlfriend he carted around? She didn't know why she irritated her so much but it was clear to her that they wouldn't be friends anytime soon.

Did they even want her? Not just them, the world, even.

The girl underneath the title. The girl underneath the ability. Who wanted her? Who wanted to speak to her? Who wanted to love her?

She didn't have an answer for that. 

She didn't want to know.

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this to tide myself over until ep5. This will probably end up non-canon in an episode or two, but so far, I just see Korra as a lonely girl. This isn't to discount Katara, but really, being the supposed pinnacle of benders must make other people distant. I think her anger is an extension of that and she sells herself short, despite the fact that she's already spirited. Thanks for reading! :)


End file.
